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About Literature / Student Sam Goldben24/Female/United States Recent Activity
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flood :icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 1 0
beautiful to only my razor
How can you say
How beautiful I am
When you’ve only seen my face?
You haven’t seen all of me.
The rolling mound of fat
That prevents me from seeing my feet.
The lumpy cellulite on my ass
That looks even worse out of my jeans.
The stretch marks that trail my skin
That makes me hate myself even more.
“So what if you’re fat,” you say,
“you’re still beautiful to me,
And to others as well.”
If I’m still beautiful to others,
Even though I’m so disgusting and fat,
Why am I so unhappy,
So alone, so unwanted?
I have no amazing qualities.
I’m a depressed, angry,
Ugly, fat, disgusting person,
If I’m even considered a person.
No one wants someone like me,
They never did,
They never will.
I can’t fit into rides at parks.
Everyone stares at me when I go out.
They all stare at me;
I can feel their eyes on my back fat,
My huge, rolling, fat stomach;
I can almost hear their thoughts.
‘How dare she go in public?
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 4 17
My Scar Story :icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 0 0
i'm fading away
I’m so alone
this isn’t fair
tears keep falling,
I can’t stop crying.
why does no one love me?
my friends are slowly leaving
I’m slowly fading
my heart aches
my eyes hurt
I just want it to stop.
the razor calls me
and wants to kiss me
but I’m so afraid of her.
all she brings is pain
and blood
and guilt.
I hate feeling this way.
I need someone to save me
before I fade completely.
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 2 9
Inner and outer skins :icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 0 0
everlasting darkness
Darkness fades
The light appears
My heart is heavy
As the sun rises
The minutes crawl by
I wait for sleep
To take me
Claim me
To make these thoughts
So dark
So sad
So cruel
I just want to sleep
I close my eyes
Hoping sleep will come
While I fight living demons
Clawing hatred
And slick, hot tears
The light is growing
Please let me sleep
I'm tired of the everlasting dark
That plagues my mind
Can't I escape
Into sleep
Just for a while?
But, darling,
How do you escape
What's swimming inside you,
In your head?
The demons and darkness,
They'll still be there
Long after sleep
Has finally claimed you.
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 1 1
farewell, my razor
Release me
I am no longer yours
My heart is mine
It beats for me alone
I have no love for you
Not any longer
I hate you.
Release me
I cannot love you
You're poisonous
Your sharp kiss
Your painful embrace
I can stand it no more
Let me go
I don't need you
You don't need me
I will be no longer yours
Release me
Let me go
I will not let you define me
Goodbye, old friend
My razor.
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 3 6
Who am I?
Who am I?
The question is vague and void of real questioning, though it hides a true curiosity in the way it’s asked. No one knows who a real person is, unless they walk in their shoes. Even then, the question dives into the very depths of someone’s soul, probing, hoping to catch a glimpse of the monster, the darkness within.
Deep in myself, I discover I want to know who I am with such a fiery need, it almost burns me and consumes me with every breath I take.
Who am I?
I am dark.
Beneath the ivory coat that is my skin pulses a darkness as terrifying as it is intriguing. A hot passion and desire for everything bad, dark, and evil brews within my core. Lust for bloodshed avoids my head, a craving I must battle with to avoid my destruction. There are times the monster within me breaks free of its restraints and I must struggle to chain it once more. The monster is a devastating, destructive thing and wishes to ruin everything in its path. I am often unable to stop it fr
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 1 0
Love of life
The water had cooled around her, caressing her skin in the most delicate of touches. Her chin rested just above the surface of the water, her breaths causing the tiniest of waves. The water had been shut off a long while ago and she had sat in the warmth of it, while it slowly cooled to a comfortable temperature.
Soap bubbles had come and gone, leaving the water slightly murky and see-through. In the dish that hung on the side, where a bar of soap would usually, something that didn’t belong was in its place.
A razor blade, neglected and forgotten.
The darkness that is the feeling of true sadness and loneliness had been raging inside of her for so long, it was a wonder it had taken her so long to get this far. Even now, though, she hesitated.
Could she find the courage to use that razor?
Did she have it in her to end all the pain? To stop it all and finally, finally be at peace?
This was the reason the water had cooled. She had laid in it for so long, her fingers were wrinkly, her
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 2 0
In the Peace of the Lord
“Lord our God, You are the source of life. In You, we live and move and have out being. Keep us in life and death in Your love, and, by Your grace, lead us to Your kingdom, through Your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord,” the priest recited to them, standing in front of the congregation that sat around a pearl white casket in the local graveyard.
The small group of people, which consisted of maybe twenty people, all echoed at once, “Amen.”
The priest continued. “In the Name of God, the merciful Father, we commit the body of Mary Price to the peace of the grave.” He let three handfuls of earth fall onto the coffin. “From dust you came, to dust you shall return. Jesus Christ is the resurrection and the life. Lord God, our Father in heaven, Lord God, the Son, and Saviour of the world, Lord God, the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us. At this moment of death, and on the last day, save us, merciful and gracious Lord God.”
It was at this point that Nathan
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 0 0
Pain of Being Human
Tears leaked down my face
at the last midnight showing.
Popcorn butter stained my cloak
and my nail polish was completely peeled off.
The Hogwarts Express
rolled out of King's Cross for the last time
and it was hard to see
over the wall of farewell tears
that dared to brew again.
I was seven when I first met Harry,
unaware he'd become my best friend.
By the time I had consumed
Every last word of the first book,
I was hooked; we were family.
Hogwarts became my second home,
Privet Drive the place I hated.
I dreamed I was with the trio,
never really going home.
I was sorted into Gryffindor
and met a Mountain Troll.
Together, we found the Mirror of Erised
and learned to play Wizards Chess with Ron.
We were surprised to find out that
it wasn’t Snape who we were following
but Quirrel who was after the stone.
Together, we stopped him and Voldemort
And saved the Sorcerer’s Stone.
When I had finished the book,
I craved another,
afraid of what I would become
if I couldn't keep
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 3 2
Mature content
Morgan Williamson :icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 2 0
If It Weren't For You
I can feel your words,
like hot rain,
pouring over me,
consuming me,
cutting me deep.
You don't think they hurt,
it's just fun and games.
But if you only knew
the tears I cry are in pain.
Remember when you used to care,
when we were friends.
You defended me.
We used to be so close,
now we're so far apart.
What happened to when looks didn't matter,
Just what was in our hearts?
I can't help but wonder
What happened to you.
You were so nice, so kind,
so beautiful.
And now you're just ugly,
on the outside and the in.
I can't help but wonder,
Who did you in?
I speak now, directly to your heart.
You don't know the pain you've caused,
the suffering, the countless nights of tears.
Knives are double edged:
the deeper you cut me, the deeper you cut yourself.
I may be crying,
and I may be bleeding,
but it doesn't matter.
You'll just stand and watch me die,
And no one will see you cry.
I'll lay here, on my own,
Bleeding out my heart.
I can wait for someone to save me,
because I know you
:icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 2 2
Underground :icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 2 0 Killer Darkness :icongoldenrayne:GoldenRayne 1 1


coming back

Journal Entry: Sat Dec 28, 2013, 2:41 PM
  • Listening to: Brave - Sara Bareilles
Hello all! I'm coming back, I hope, to deviantART as best I can. I've got a whole load of poetry lined up that I'm planning on posting shortly! I suck at poetry, so just bear with me, haha. I thankfully seemed to have gotten better so we'll see how that goes! Fingers crossed!

I've had a really rough semester at my second year of college. It's been a struggle almost every day to just get out of bed and go to class. But somehow, I managed to go and passed the classes I had taken! I ended up having to drop to part time status for the semester, dropping biology because I was failing, and that hit me hard in the self-esteem department. But I passed the other two I was taking, French and Creative Writing, so that's good! But, emotionally, I've been pretty down and depressed a lot. I'm proud to say I've been twenty seven days clean from the last time I self harmed! It's been a rough month. But I managed to make it.

I dunno really what more to say, except that I'm back and hopefully here to stay for a while! I do want to say a big thank you to Clockchat for the three month premium membership. You're a fantastic friend and an amazing person. :heart: I love you. Everyone should go check his stuff out, because he's a fantastic writer!

Journal Skin by TwiggyTeeluck


GoldenRayne's Profile Picture
Sam Goldben
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
I'm Sam and welcome to my other deviantART account. I know, you saw me around as deaddragula. Well, now you'll see me around as GoldenRayne. I'm mostly a writer but I've done some pictures on deviantART muro, though they turn out crappy. I love violence and I absolutely love people who talk to me. :] I roleplay, so if you want to talk to me about it, let me know. :D

Current Residence: United States of America.
Favourite genre of music: I like all of it, except country and pop.
Favourite photographer: Dylan-White
Favourite style of art: Artistic Nude.
Operating System: Windows Vista
MP3 player of choice: GoGear Vibe
Wallpaper of choice: Black and green polka dots
Favourite cartoon character: Spongebob Squarepants
Personal Quote: "Telling me not to worry is like telling water not to be wet."


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PoetryOD Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014
Thanks for all the favourites! :heart:
blueheartstone4 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi lovely!! Thanks for :+fav:ing!! :floating:
JonUriah Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014  Professional Photographer
Hi Sam. Thank you for the :+fav:!

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PoetryOD Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014
Thanks for the faves!
PoetryOD Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014
Thanks for all the favourites!
TwistedCynn Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014
O_O thanks for all the faves! :D
blueheartstone4 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hello lovely!! thank you for :+fav:ing!! :floating:
GoldenRayne Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Student Writer
You're so welcome! :hug:
JonUriah Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2013  Professional Photographer
GoldenRayne Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2014  Student Writer
You're welcome, as always <3
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