How can you say
How beautiful I am
When you’ve only seen my face?
You haven’t seen all of me.
The rolling mound of fat
That prevents me from seeing my feet.
The lumpy cellulite on my ass
That looks even worse out of my jeans.
The stretch marks that trail my skin
That makes me hate myself even more.
“So what if you’re fat,” you say,
“you’re still beautiful to me,
And to others as well.”
If I’m still beautiful to others,
Even though I’m so disgusting and fat,
Why am I so unhappy,
So alone, so unwanted?
I have no amazing qualities.
I’m a depressed, angry,
Ugly, fat, disgusting person,
If I’m even considered a person.
No one wants someone like me,
They never did,
They never will.
I can’t fit into rides at parks.
Everyone stares at me when I go out.
They all stare at me;
I can feel their eyes on my back fat,
My huge, rolling, fat stomach;
I can almost hear their thoughts.
‘How dare she go in public?
Doesn’t she know how disgusting she is?
She doesn’t need that candy bar,
Someone should take it from her.
Look at the waves her stomach makes,
She’s so fat, so disgusting.’
I’ve known all my life how gross I am.
No one wants to kiss me,
There’s no one who wants someone like me.
“Just give it time! You’ll find someone!”
No, you’re wrong.
Not with how society is today.
No one finds a fat girl like me beautiful,
Not beyond a computer screen.
The only thing that finds me beautiful,
Who knows all my secrets,
My fears, my regrets,
Who knows the darkest demons in me
Is also one of the bad things
That makes me even uglier.
My razor’s the only thing that’ll kiss me,
That finds it beautiful when it does.
The kiss is painful,
The kiss scars my skin.
But it still knows everything
And still finds me beautiful,
Even though I know I’m not.